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Laura: Eternal

Sept 29,2022  Again, I find myself writing in remembering a loved one who has recently passed away... This time was fast...so fast we never really saw it coming. Someone so full of life that it just doesn't seem real.  fast forward, 1.16.23 I never finished this post and honestly I am  glad I didn't, it gave me more time to process everything and more has happened since. Another family member pasted and I cant seem to grasp reality much these days. It feels like so much is falling away from me, my family and everything I once knew and held dear. How can one person...hold so much stability over a family. How can two people be the glue that kept everything going?  I am really not sure how I feel about the aftermath of all of it. All I know is that I am still hurting and still faced with the grief of my grandma...and now my aunt and cousin. My aunt, as seen over this last holiday season, was honestly the glue that kept the world moving for our family. She kept celebrati...
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Mimi

My grandma past away in October 21st 2021 This is what I wrote for her memorial:  Mimi.  Putting up us grand kids and our grand adventures as pilgrims and Indians on Thanksgiving. Dress up in the basement with the costumes she'd made for our parents years before and reminders to wash our hands before every meal. Ice cream every night after dinner with nesquick powder or chocolate syrup if that's what you wanted. Sneaking into the kitchen to get a pickle from the fridge without getting caught. I only got away with it twice. The never ending supply of jolly ranchers in the cookie jar and the lion cookie jar that always said: " keep your hand out my cookie jar." Eating all the date bars and fudge she set out at Christmas time and hearing her clear her throat as she cooked in the kitchen. How she grew to love our silly dog Chloe. She loved that dog and that dog loved her. The kids table at holidays tha even as an adult I still sit at and singing hymns in the family room o...
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Romance what?

It's hard sometimes to think someone can be broken down so far that they don't even think romance is an option for them. They feel so down and out of touch, so numb to any sort of romantic feelings.  Someone who dreams of romance and can write of romance in such a profound way, but has no idea how to reach within themselves to find how that feeling feels anymore. It kind of a hopeless existence when you think you're incapable of ever feeling anything romantic toward anyone ever again...you feel so alone, but you just don't want to disrupt the feeling of being content you find in the solitude.  Connections fail and your not sure why you can't connect with anyone other than on a level of friendship. Feelings that use to happen so on accident don't seem to slip anymore and you don't find yourself accidentally falling in love with your unobtainable friends anymore and you sure don't feel yourself falling for that guy you went on a date with weeks ago. 
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